VI

Lately, I have been feeling as if I have lost my way. I don’t know why. I just feel lost, abandoned by life’s cruel ways and society’s pressure on excellence, although the privileged don’t have to worry about that. But for people like me, it’s a whole different ball game.

I simply don’t know what I need to do to get back my focus on my life’s goal. I feel like all my hopes and dreams are being pulled away from me by an unseen force. Maybe I am thinking too much of it. Maybe I am being paranoid; the world is trying to get me or something like that…...

But on a more serious note, I do feel like fate is toying with my future. Will I be pushed into a corner and take whatever options that are available to me? Or will I be able to fight back and take back what I have lost?

In my mind, I am in a crossroad, one road tells me to fight while the other tells me to give up and cut my losses. Neither road has a visible light at the end. The roads get darker as it gets deeper. The only things visible are pathways on each road leading to some unknown destiny. I know it sounds cliché, but cliché works for me right now.

I don’t why life throws curve balls in my way. I envy those who have it the easy way. Good genes, or good connections, it doesn’t matter what matters is the end result. Hard work and all that crap is just added flavor to the end result. It gives the person a better image when he or she talks about what they have accomplished. Its like if you got it, (whatever it is) flaunt it. I am jealous of those people, people who have got it all. Good genes especially, you may have been born into a poor family without any connections, but nature gave you an added bonus, you do have good genes, the rest is up to you.

I envy and also loath these ‘gifted’ people. Everything comes so easy to them. I know that all of would know or have met these type of people at one point or another. You know who I am talking about. The one who always seems to be fooling around but at the end of the day that one always comes out on top. The person could do no wrong in life. If a mistake was made, something props up to save the day.

Lately, as I view it; nature has been giving added bonuses to those that don’t actually need it. And I am sick and tired of this. Why didn’t nature give and edge, provide me with an added bonus, give a second chance or third ……..

The modern was of life is all about who you know, and how you play that to your advantage. As for me, I know quite a few, but I don’t play that game, or more accurately I don’t know how to play that game. I am losing out aren’t I?

Well, I am screaming into the rain and no one to scream back. I guess that’s what my ramblings are all about. No one to scream back ………..

Well, that’s all for now folks. Tune in next time for more ramblings …….